-Ya know what I'm sick of? Sonic Youth. It's bad enough those old coots are still alive and making the same album for the 48th time, but I just can't seem to get away from people rubbing their privates over the phenomenon that is Daydream Nation. Fine, fine. I understand that within the albums bloated seventy some odd minutes, you, the disaffected youth are allowed to absorb all the meandering guitar work and absence of melody. I get it. Its quaint. Its fun. It defined a generation. But stop it already!! I can put up with Scoop's ridiculous outcries of "best music ever made," because I have a soft spot for the kid. But for the love of Satan, can you please explain why this happened? Throwing the Zygote Hipster Bastards a bone, are we? This is just my opinion, but I feel like this guy deserves such an honor before Sonic Youth.
-Mr. Waits comes out of hiding. Took the old bastard long enough.
-The Happy Hollows are back. Prepare to be inundated with Unicorns and Star Sprinkles.
-There's a new kid on the blo(g)ck. Go harass him and tell him how much better I am than him and everyone else. No but seriously, go read his stuff. Then tell him to watch his ass.
-Am I alone in wanting to punch Coldplay's Chris Martin in the face? First he steals my lady-friend (Gwenyth and I go way back) and now he continues to depress me by releasing new material. Stop it. Stop it. Are you guys trying to be U2 the sequel? You've made 5 albums now. FIVE!! And they've gotten progressively worse with each one. How is that possible??? Seriously I think you have to make a concerted effort to get worse so consistently. Isn't it time for an experimental album now that you're wiping your fancy-shmancy Brit asses with royalty checks? Make a noise album. Record your farts. Do something.....ANYTHING that won't appeal to middle-aged mothers across the globe. Jesus Christ.
-While we're on the subject of branching out, this one goes out to you Stephen Malkmus. You've made, well....over ten albums now. TEN!!!!!!! That is, if you count the Pavement records. So lets step out of our comfort zone, shall we?? For the sake of shaking your boredom and also for the sake of your fans. Try for just half an album to not be a sardonic, sarcastic, shit-baller!! Can ya do that for me? Getting Beck to produce your new album is good in theory, but that guy is even more bored and jaded than you are. Plus he's all Scientology-ee. Ya know? Psst. Stevie......hey.....did he make you and your band take a stress test? Did he measure the thetan levels in your blood or whatever the FLaRN? Cmon. Confess. You're a seventh level Doucher, aren't you?
-For those of you who are interested in purchasing the debut album by David Lynch, let me save you the trouble by describing what you'll hear: sixy four tracks of Gorillas raping donkeys with an underscoring of clasical to sweeten up the deal. Then two bonus tracks of time travel sound effects flollowed by Bill Pullman doing an interview dissecting his Jazz Trumpeter character in Lost Highway. I swear this is exactly what's on the cd. And by swear i mean I'm lying. But I bet that's what it sounds like.
-This is all the proof you need that Pitchfork is full of shit.
-And this is all the proof you need that Kanye West is a self-involved moron who can't handle being out of the spotlight even when he's asleep. If he were a football player, he'd be this guy. Or this guy. Or most likely this guy. Yeah, that's right. I made a football reference. Go Jets.
-Let's take a moment to say goodbye to one of the greatest musical minds of our time.
-Let's thank Drew Barrymore for her contribution toward perpetuating the myth that Beth Coast should matter.
Tu opinión sobre Kanye es muy original. Finalmente, alguien dice la verdad.
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